The Problem with Girls
by SailorLoneStar
Summary: Asakura Hao needs to find supporters before the Shaman Fight is to begin. Unfortunately, some shamans just don't want to totally devote their undying loyalty to him, but the pathetically weak ones do! Worst of all, there's this weird branch of humans th


**Au'ra**: Welcomes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**SLS**: Do you _have_ to use that many exclamation marks???

**Au'ra**: (pouts) But you used three question marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**SLS**: AND?! You're using at least twenty!

**Au'ra**: Look! Look! You're using caps too!!!!!! UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**SLS**: - -;; Anyways, welcome to my first mankin fic... Don't mind my fangirl side, she's usually the same person as me. ;;

**Au'ra**: (pouts) It's your fault for trying to keep this part of you suppressed! How could you even THINK to suppress undying support, love, and loyalty for Hao-sama?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**SLS**: It's for his own sanity...

**Au'ra**: XP

**Hao**: SLS/Au'ra does not own Shaman King. It was typed for the shared amusement of fellow fans. She also does not mean any offense to anyone, it was all written in a sugar high and in light humor. So if you are to sic lawyers on her, I have been instructed to burn them. (cute smile)

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The Problem with Girls :: Troubles come in Threes

Asakura Hao watched the skies quietly, sitting comfortably in the Spirit of Fire's hand. This was the third time he would attempt to claim the Great Spirits. This time, he would succeed. He was first limited by his spirit. Then his position as one of the Ten Priests took his mobility. Now, he was free to travel and seek his following, aided by the Spirit of Fire. A star shot through the sky and a smile came to the shaman's lips. It was time. _'After all,'_ Hao thought as he stood, his cloak billowing out all around him like a great cloud as a blaze wrapped around him and everything disappeared. _'Third time's the charm...'_

The wind rustled through the long dark silky hair of the boy who sat so high above the world. The faint fragrance of Herbal Essence floated between the all smoky odors. "How tiny..." he thought aloud, his white cloak reflected the warm hues of the fiery inferno at the Fire's feet. Voices of the panicking humans scurrying on the ground rose to his ears.

"Look a fire!"

"Fire! Fire! Fire!"

"I hope it doesn't burn the petunias..."

"Did anyone call the fire department?"

"It's been burning for at least half an hour! Someone's bound to have called them already!"

"Fire! Fire! Fire!"

"Then why hasn't the big red trucks gotten here yet?! It's just down the street!"

"MORON! It takes time to change, find all the equipment, and load the truck!" (A/N: _Right... _Over thirty minutes to go less than thirty yards...)

"Makes you wonder why Bush or Kerry don't address the question of why people like the pizza deliveries are coming faster than police..."

"Fire! Fire! Fire!"

"AH! UNPATRIOTIC WORDS! TALIBAN SPY!!"

"Hey! There's a fire at that house!"

"Fire! Fire! Fire!"

Not minding public idiocy, but who ever coined "Third time's the charm" apparently never heard that trouble comes in threes. Unfortunately, the son of the shamans Hao sought was infuriated. Logically if anyone's parents were killed, revenge would be sworn, and thus it had been done so by this young man. Having not eaten the shamans' guardian spirit, the boy called it to his aid despite denial of the existence of ghosts all his life.

"Torrent!" he called on it, focusing his might on recalling every last detail his parents tried to teach to him. Pain and anger, despite how blinding it can be, are powerful catalysts to achieve the impossible. Just ask any decent superhuman hero.

A powerful force swirled around him, draining him of every last bit of his furyoku for the realization of his first Oversoul. A huge wooly mammoth materialized at his feet, sending the boy upwards on its shoulders. Coming to full size the ancient beast trumpeted in anger and for battle. However there's a point beginner's luck could not overcome and it was the pinnacle Hao stood on. The gargantuan elephant had not even come to the Fire's knee. But to the enraged boy, he could hardly notice that size was often an indicator of power and charged blindly at the enemy, which took his parents and his life away from him.

"Onii-chan!" a girl shouted desperately at her brother. Her shock over her parents' death was slowly ebbing away to discover the surprise of her brother's power.

The last image the brother had was of his beloved little sister clutching her hands to her chest as if in prayer, her chocolate brown eyes shimmered with the tears for her parents and worry for her brother's safety, as her hair billowed out around her like beautiful waves of clouds. Then his body was snuffed out with the bright intensity of Hao's spirit, destroyed by the immense pain and destructive power of the fire.

"ONII-CHAN!" the girl screamed tearfully as she watched the great flames claim another of her family.

Hao watched the last of this family curiously, wondering if she perhaps also had potential shamanic ability. But the jumbled confusion of her mind made it impossible for Hao to predict her reaction.

"Please!" she began begging, squinting through the bright haze of the fire at the speck so high above her. The Spirit of Fire lowered its shaman so that he could better watch her, perplexed at what she possibly want other than her life, which did not seem to be of her top concern. "I know you didn't want to do this!" she continued tearily.

_'I didn't want to do this?'_ Hao raised an eyebrow. If he didn't want to cleanse the world and remake it for shamans, then why would he waste so much time and effort on reincarnation? It wasn't just for kicks you know! Well... other than terrifying the Asakura family and the Patch village, specifically his descendant, Silva. _'What could she possibly mean?'_

"Fight the demon that lives inside you!" she cried to him, "You don't have to let it take control of you!"

Hao paused in thought for a moment. "What demon?"

"It shares your body and makes you do all these awful, terrible things!" she explained dramatically, imploring him deeply. Hao stared at her passively, all her thoughts jumbled into some possible interpretation of a Christian devil possession. A devil. Possessing _him._ The great Asakura Hao, who mastered the five elements? Inconceivable. (A/N: Insert the 'mastermind' from Princess Bride in Hao's spot. Stunt Double!) And just plain embarrassing too.

"Fight it and I'll always forgive you!" she opened her arms welcomingly to him. Crystalline tears perfectly followed the curve of her soft white cheeks, so unlike real life, where tears ungraciously and ungracefully travel to the tip of your nose, making you want to blow your nose, and then have that salty droplet pulled to your lips by gravity, forcing you to essentially consume it. This immediately struck him as illogical and traitorous to so quickly offer any form of love to the person who had just murdered one's entire family in the previous fifteen minutes. Although God offered his love in near unconditional premises, Hao seriously doubted that anyone was that powerful to not care or insane enough accept anything that ruined him or her so much so readily.

' _HE' SO DAMNABLY CUUUUTEEEE!!!!! XD_' the foreign thought exploded in his head with images of tortuous hugs, violent punishments of hammers from nowhere, and giddy unceasing chatter filled with some strange variation of the written language. Worst of all, he felt impending doom of being converted into something very un-Hao like. He shuddered. Quite immediately everything around him burned instantaneously into charcoal. No sound was left but the peaceful snaps of dying embers. Not a queer or foreign thought for at least 300 yards. Hao sighed in relief. He heard of those strange variations of girls that seemed a bit too perfect to be sane.

An imperceptible shudder passed through him as the hand of the Fire closed around him and took him to the next destination. Troubles comes in threes, and it seemed that the Fates (and powerful annoying Authoresses) had saved the "best" for last...

* * *

**Au'ra**: Review! Review! Or I won't give Hao-sama back to Star-chan! 

**SLS**: (raises an eyebrow) And Hao's going to listen to you _because_...?

**Au'ra**: Because I said so! And Hao-sama loves me!!!!!!!!!

**Hao**: She promised me a flamethrower! innocent smile

**SLS**: (stares in shock)

**Au'ra**: (panics) I swear I didn't!! (crossing fingers behind her back)

**SLS**: Why do you even _need_ a flamethrower, Hao?!!!! You can make things spontaneously combust!!!!

**Au'ra**: BOOM!

**Hao**: Just in case. .

**Au'ra**: Me and Anna traded services!!! I offered to advertise the Funbari Osen if she'd hold the Spirit of Fire captive for however long I want!

**SLS**: O.O You did WHAT?! How am I suppose to continue the fic?!

**Au'ra**: That's what reviewing's for! That's the ransom! (giggles)

**SLS**: (grumbles) Just give me more reason to procrastinate...

**Au'ra**: (advertising) Funbari Osen! Come to the Funbari Osen! Great food! Great service! Great people! Funbari Osen!

**SLS**: I'm going to go work out a way to release the Spirit of Fire. Meanwhile, please pay Au'ra ransom... (sighs)


End file.
